Double Shot (This Thursday Only)

For your reading enjoyment: My Rejected McSweeney's Submissions
James Joyce's Refrigerator
Description: A list of things to do located on James Joyce's refrigerator (plagiarized from old New Yorker cartoon).
Reason for rejection: Missed all the obvious jokes, even the ones from the original cartoon. Mostly just a shopping list. Only joke was, “Buy an egg and draw a smiley face on one end to replace left eye with to freak out children,” which isn't funny.

Dilbert Goes To Hellbert
Description: Dilbert is sent to Hell after his boss shoots him for some office-type reason. There he meets Catbert who promotes him to mid-level management in Hellbert.
Reason for rejection: Didn't get it. Don't read Dilbert.

Care Bears on LSD
Description: A vivid (often graphic) description of the classic Care Bears television show if all the characters were to be twisted on various mind expanding drugs.
Reason for rejection: Needs more than one joke. Sleepy Bear not being able to sleep because he snorted a line of cocaine is not enough, especially to off set the extremely depressing prospect of Lionheart overdosing on heroine then the rest of the cast being left in a comatic state after an attempt at the “Longest Care Bear Stare Ever.”

A Day in the Life of Alanis Morissette
Description: Just what you'd think.
Reason for rejection: Surprisingly not funny.

Also enjoy this week's story: Lists.